We have recently instituted a new policy around our house we refer to as the Marble Jar. I should start by saying that, in the past, I have been privately skeptical, even disdainful of this concept. So it goes to reason that I ended up instituting the Marble Jar out of desperation.
Our summer vacation lasted about 3 weeks longer at the end than everyone else’s because of our new baby and because of a trip to the ADK’s. So by the time we got back from the trip and were ready to start school, I was pulling my hair out in frustration over the behavior of my children! Those last few weeks they had become a powerful whirlwind force of fighting, screaming, arguing and tantrum-throwing banshees and I had had it! I decided on the Marble Jar for lack of any better ideas that could be quickly put into place as the first day of school drew near.
We decorated some mason jars, and I put all the colored marbles into another jar. The problem was attitude. The solution was get a marble for good attitude. The reward was that the person with the most marbles at bedtime on Thursday night gets to go out for breakfast before school with mommy on Friday morning! This was my little bit of inspiration, this breakfast thing. I knew there needed to be an easy, immediate reward that would make the whole thing worthwhile.
The contest was immediately on…the competition for marbles was astounding! The change in atttitude was like night and day within 24 hours. Now of course I was skeptical at first about a few things. I was worried about the kids trying to figure out ways to exploit or manipulate the system, and also about the kids fighting with each other over who would win. Mainly I was worried because my chief problem with a system like this is that I think the kids should show good attitude/behavior without the promise of a “treat”. Of course this is an idealistic view…I mean they have to learn somehow right? In the real world, a good attitude has it’s rewards…so we went forward.
Breslin won the first week, then Niall and this week it was a tie between Breslin and Hazel. So far I have made one trip to Einstein Brothers and two visits to Krispy Kreme. They are really having fun with this! But most importantly I have seen an actual, tangible change in their attitudes and behaviors. Steve agrees that he has seen less tantrum throwing, etc. They know that if they show a good attitude towards choses and schoolwork and EACH OTHER they are rewarded. I have been happier, less inclined to yell and there has been much less arguing. It is working out well for all of us.
I think that this was a good time to try this. With all the confusion a new baby brings, added to a new school year starting and a new schedule of weekly activities, there have been a lot of good “learning” opportunities. I would reccommend this technique, now, without my former skepticism. However, I would caution to resist any temptation to “rig” the outcome. The first week there was a lot of tears form the two non-winners. We felt really bad, but we resisted the urge to help the others win the following week. Today, when we had a tie, we honored it.
Most thankfully, the Marble Jar has thus far kept mommy from losing her marbles!
Before the Marble Jar
